Clothus Removus
by Loralie
Summary: Hermione and Draco are WHAT in her dormitory! PG-13 One-Shot Fic


A/N: This is just a little story I wrote in between major fics. To help you out later on, there are **bold** thoughts and _italicized_ thoughts. When in the same vicinity, both are from the same person, but different... perspectives...

Disclaimer: I own nothing (unfortunately).

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She never realized just how hot he was.

Especially in the nude.

"Hermione!" he yelled at her. "I'm not wearing any clothes!"

"I know. That's the beauty of it all."

"Well this isn't very fair," he said, and with a flick of his wand, he retaliated. "Clothus Removus."

And then he realized the same exact thing about Hermione.

"DRACO!!" she shrieked.

Then Hermione heard Harry and Ron coming up the stairs to the girls' dormitory to get their friend. They knew that she would be alone -- she told them she would be, and that's why she wanted to be up there.

"Oh I completely forgot! I believe we will have to finish this later," Hermione said. She threw his clothes at him and told him to hide under her bed.

There was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" Hermione asked in a pleasant tone, while quickly slipping her clothes back on.

"Harry and me," Ron said.

"One moment please. All right, you may come in now." They did. "Oh, and Ron, it's 'Harry and I'."

"'It's 'Harry and I'," Ron mocked.

"Well it is."

"Shut up. No one asked you." Ron went and sat on Hermione's bed. Draco felt the mattress lower a little against his naked backside.

"So, are we going to study or what?" Harry asked.

"Actually," Hermione answered. "I completely forgot about our study session, and I'm rather busy at the moment and will need to postpone our meeting for about 45 minutes. Is that all right with the two of you?"

"I suppose."

"Not like we really have a say in the matter, right?" Ron grunted.

The two guys left the room and shut the door.

"Now, to make sure no one else bothers us..." Hermione put a chair up against the door and under the handle. "At least living with muggles has its up sides to when magic can't be depended on. Draco, come out from under there now."

At that, Draco did as he was told and came out from underneath her bed, covering himself up with his clothes. "Now what exactly am I doing here naked inside _your_ dormitory?"

"Oh, don't be bashful, Draco," she said, and with a simple incantation, his clothes were swept away from his hands.

"Then you better not be either, Granger." Again Draco removed Hermione's clothes. "Care to answer now?"

"Well, for starters, we both know good and well that there are lots of people who want us to get together," Hermione started in.

"Very true. Continue." Draco had a sickly, yet sly look upon his face.

"Also, Ginny said that Susan said that Luna said that Blaise said that Katy said that Pansy said that you are an _awfully_ good kisser. And.. such."

Draco was taken by surprise at this, but responded smugly, "Also true."

"Of course," Hermione agreed. "That's why I've summoned you here. I wanted to see for myself. Now, come on over here!"

Draco thought for a moment. Then he looked at Hermione's tantalizing figure and his second brain took over that job. _Now Draco_, it told him, _you know good and well that you're getting sick of Pansy and, well... Pansy_. **No kidding**, he said back. **Not only that, it'd be good for my reputation if I nailed a girl from every house. Even if it means Gryffindor. And Granger...** _Ah yes..._ said his other brain in return, _Hermione... with her long wavy hair, those luscious lips..._ **Yeah.. and that body.. ohhh, look at those tits..** _And those hips.. what I wouldn't do to _--

"Stop staring and get over here Malfoy!!" Hermione sent a little stream of magic over to Draco's butt so he felt a pinching sensation. _Ooh the agony of having to walk those five feet in between us!_ And he basically jumped her, knocking her on to the floor.

"Woah, woah, woah, calm down there sport! We're not bunnies here." Hermione got up from under him and walked over to her bed. "Let's take it nice - and - sloooow," and with that, Hermione pulled a long, black piece of velvet from her pillowcase. "Come over here and let me put this over your eyes." He did as he was told. He stood in front of her, and she wrapped the fabric around his eyes. "Now lay down on the bed and put your arms up." Unseeingly to Draco, she pulled out two pairs of handcuffs. She put one pair on his right wrist. "Now you just wait here."

She locked him up to the bed and went back over to take the chair away from the door. Then went back and positioned herself under Draco, and handcuffed herself to him. She pulled her wand from off of the bedside table. "Lemme see your hand. Can you feel what this is?" _HOLY CRAP IT'S A WAND!!!!_

"Er.. yeah. It's - a - wand!" Draco said stuttering with excitement.

"That's right big boy. Just ask for the magic words, and we'll make some - magic - of our own."

**MAGIC OF OUR OWN! MAGIC OF OUR OWN! MAGIC! MAGIC! MAGIC! MAGIC! MAGIC!** "Er.. what're the - magic - words?"

Hermione shimmied underneath him. "I'm so glad you asked!" She made sure she had a tight grip around the wand, and pulled it away from his hand. "Ready?"

**YEESSS!!!** _OHHH YEAH!!!!_ "Heh.. yeah.."

"Okay. Here we go then."

"_Ob-liv-i-ate_...." She whispered seductively at him.

Draco's face immediately turned from horny excitement to complete blank.

"And now, _Rictusempra Evilus Seduccio_," Hermione said, throwing her wand across the room. "Perfect."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ron burst through the door at once and couldn't believe his eyes. There was Malfoy - naked - on top of Hermione - naked - laughing an evil, seductive laugh, handcuffed to her and the bed!

"MALFOY!!!!! GET - OFF - OF - HER - **_NOW!!!!_**" Ron screamed with rage. He pulled out his wand and shouted, "_Petrificous Totalus_!!" And ran over to the bed.

"Ron! Oh my goodness! Thank you SOOOO much! The keys are over there, on the floor." He got the keys and unlocked Hermione from Draco, and helped her out from underneath him, trying not to look at her, but obviously failing.

"Ron! Stop looking! Go over there and cover your eyes so I can put some clothes on." He did as he was told. "Okay, I'm clothed now."

"Hermione - what was --"

"He just came in here! I don't know how! I guess he had an invisibility cloak or something, but the next thing I knew, he shouted some spell at me and my clothes flew off! Then he handcuffed me, and came at me, naked himself! Oh Ron, it was _absolutely dreadful_!" She started to cry into her hands.

"Aww, there there Hermione," Ron said, and put his arm around her. "It's all over now. That stupid pervert is stuck now. And I'm here to protect you."

Hermione looked up into his eyes, and met his gaze. _Oh this plan is working out marvelously. Right on schedule. _He leaned in and grabbed her lips with his. After a few moments, they came out of their embrace and Ron chuckled.

"You know, I just got this horribly cruel idea..."

The next day at school, when Draco came down to breakfast, everyone - and I mean everyone - went into an uproar of laughter. Complete hysterics. Luna Lovegood came up to him and through chortles held up a picture. "Nice, Malfoy! Now, tell me, do the boobs inflate to any size you want?"

Fin

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Mwa ha ha ha Hrm/Dr shippers out there! Like that little _twist_? hehe, review please! :D


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